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The Dating Cure
Valentines Day can bring up a lot of feelings for everyone, so if you've recently gone though a break up or even if it hasn't been so recent, you may be struggling with memories of being with your ex, fantasies of who he's with now, what he's doing, if he's thinking of you and feelings of loneliness. Here are some quick tips on how to get through the day:
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| author Rhonda Findling |
Do not think about if he's with someone else.
You don’t know so there's no point to daydreaming about it. It's pure self-torture so why bother doing this to yourself. Bottom line is it’s just plain self-defeating and a total waste of time. If you start having those thoughts FORCE yourself to think of something else.
Distract yourself.
Remember it's just a holiday that was created for monetary reasons (consumerism). These card and chocolate companies, stationary, department and jewelry stores make a killing on Valentines Day. Who is this Valentine dude anyway? Probably just another Ambivalent Man! If it's going to upset you then don’t go to any Valentine's Day functions. Just ignore the entire day and night.
Be in a state of denial.
Do something fun that has nothing to do with romance on that day. Get a massage; eat your favorite junk food then go work it off at the gym; go to a movie you would never dare go to because it's below your intelligence (wear sunglasses though); buy the Star, Enquirer, and the Globe and read about all the celebrity break ups and divorces. You'll feel like a million dollars afterwards. By the time you do all of this Valentines day will be over.
If you do go out and socialize (a date etc.) do not, I repeat, do not start comparing other men to your ex or the guy you're trying to get over.
This is like poison to the brain. Just be in the here and now, and right here and right now your ex is not around so don't give him the satisfaction of thinking about him. That whole thinking about your ex while you're with a new man is so self defeating and devaluing to the new man you're with. As that great singer said, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with!!"
The Dating Cure articles are supplied by psychotherapist and author Rhonda Findling. Her website is http://www.rhondafindling.com
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