|
|
Miscellaneous
Eight days before Christmas, my lover said, "I don't want to see you anymore. Take your things and leave." Those words put a knife into the fibers of my heart and I felt like an ultimate loser. Not a pretty position to be in at any time, but deadly around the holidays. Whether we have been the one rejected or the "rejecter" the consequences are basically the same.
 |
| Doris Jeanette, Psy.D. |
We are now single and we are in pain. That is, unless we run away from this love relationship problem by getting involved with someone else. Which unfortunately, simply prolongs the inevitable. In other words, we are going to get hurt again and again until we resolve the emotional issues that are creating our love relationship problems.
So I say to those of you that are single for the holidays, "Explore ye the benefits of being single." Now is the time to transform your ordinary, mundane life into sparkle, joy and excitement. Now is the time to get to know yourself and find joy that is not dependent on someone else loving you.
How many times, when you were in "That Love Relationship," did you complain and bitch and moan? How many times did you think the other person was keeping you from doing what you wanted to do? Be honest, that other person did not really love you the way you wanted to be loved, did they?
Being single is a great chance for self improvement. Then you can attract and create a love relationship that is more supportive of you and your needs. Relationships are great, but being single is also grand.
Being single does not get the accolades that it deserves. It is a healthy, viable option. Being trapped in an unhealthy relationship, dependent on others for approval and validation, does not do anything for your self esteem.
When you are single you can do exactly what you want to do when you want to do it - exactly the way you want to do it! In addition, there is no one, and I mean no one, to blame for not doing what you want to do.
So it is a fantastic time to create that marvelous home you always wanted. Or go on that exciting adventure he never had the money for or take those acting classes she was always critical of every time you mentioned them.
It is a wonderful time to become aware of your real strengths, your hearts' desires and your purpose in life. Now that you don't have that “hag” and “controller” around -- you can focus on yourself.
Yes, I know you may still be on the floor in pain and not know how to get to the exalted stage of being single. I know it's difficult. It is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do. You have to experience the physical and emotional pain that has been there in your heart all along. The best relationship advice I can give you to "Let it rip." Let yourself feel the real pain from these recurring, love relationship problems so that you can get to the source and heal the original wound.
Stop trying to avoid the obvious, feel the knife in your heart. Admit the truth to yourself, you t hink you are a loser just like I did. So ahead, fess up, you are afraid no one will love you ever again. Trust me, if you let it rip, this stuff will pass through quickly. It is universal, let that be comforting.
Being honest about your feelings moves that yucky judgmental stuff right through you. The only permanent loss will be your controlling ego. Believe me, the best relationship help I can give you is to tell you that without your ego, you will be able to receive more love from the universe. Besides, you will be more delightful to be around.
So get into the thrill of being emotionally fit and physically healthy. You can experience life in a new and improved fashion. You can make love to yourself with all the passion and desire that you have always longed for ... and afterwards you don't have to send anyone home. Isn't that the best?
In truth, being single was the best of times and the worst of times. The final outcome was fantastic. After I picked myself up from the floor, I resolved my issues of betrayal and gave up my need for a codependent relationship. I found my own strengths and purpose in life. So my relationship tip to you is have a love affair with yourself. Being single has its rewards and it is time you explored the possibilities of a healthy relationship, starting with yours truly.
I leave you with the best relationship advice, the next time you fall in love with someone share your energy and delight. Do not have a codependent relationship. Insist on a love relationship that allows you to be yourself. Make sure that you experience fun with and without them.
SexuallyFIT columnist, Doris Jeanette, Psy.D, has successfully helped people find real love for 30 years. Author of "A Natural Process for Opening the Heart - Your Emotional Guide to Self Esteem” Jeanette takes you on a self help journey where you find your emotional strengths, feel your colorful feelings and fall in love with yourself. Authentic self esteem makes you highly desirable with lots of magnetic sexual health. Available as tapes, CDs or ebook at Doris Jeanette Website
|
|
|
 Previouse Page || Contact Us || Print Page || Back To Top
|
|
| |
| Recent Articles |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
