The only way to avoid repeating harmful patterns is to be able to recognize the adverse signs early on. The earlier you see the signs, the easier it is to avoid getting hurt emotionally. Change is not comfortable. If you want to have a healthy relationship, you will have to learn to be attracted to a different type of person. To do this, you need to make slight changes. The easiest is to redirect your first conversations with people you find attractive. These conversations should take on a purpose of screening for unwanted traits.
When a woman, for instance, gets caught up in conversation with an attractive man, it's easy to get lost in his voice, eyes, touch, and so on. Before you know it, the conversation meanders without a focus and you have no idea if he shares similar bad traits as your ex. But, you don't have to let this happen.
You can set your goal to unveil the man's "crucial topics" (issues that broke your previous relationship(s). For instance, if your ex was an alcoholic, keep an eye out for how much he drinks and how important alcohol is in his life. The key is to be casual and not make it sound like you're interrogating him. Keep in mind that he will have no idea what you are thinking, only that you are having light conversation.
I'm sure you have the idea: make a point of finding the signs of the relationships that have impacted your past relationships negatively. Regardless of how attracted you are to a man, don't rationalize the red flags waving in front of your eyes. Making excuses for these will lend itself to the same results you had with the last man-a bad relationship.
Nancy Fagan, M.S., author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance" and
"Desirable Men: How to Find Them." To read more, visit Expert Love Advice Website
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