My boyfriend and I have only been dating 10 days, and I already want to end the relationship. It's not like he's psycho or anything. Actually he's really nice to me, but there are no sparks! I just know he's not the one for me, so why waste my time on something that won't last?

When we kiss he is overly aggressive, and I have to wipe the spit off my face! It's so gross. My problem is my sister is dating his older brother, and they would be mad if I broke his heart. Also, I love his whole family and don't want them to hate me for hurting him.

It seems cruel to break up with him so soon. Should I try to get him to break up with me? Dating is really complicated, but I know this is not working. Please, please, please help me!

Rhonda


Rhonda, we have a German friend who has been divorced many years. After telling us about the constant conflict in her marriage, she said, "The first time he called, my mother answered the phone. I said, 'Mom, tell him I'm not home.' But my mother made me come to the phone, and I ended up married to him."

Because she didn't follow her instincts, she didn't marry the right man. There is no rule which says the first one who dates you gets you. The rule says, as soon as you know it's not right, you end it. We get many letters from people who married someone they didn't even like.

There is a time to honor good manners, politeness, and the wishes of others, and there is a time to ignore all three. There is a price to be paid for following what others want. A character in an Ursula K. Le Guin novel makes a remark which can serve as wise advice. "I have given my love to what is worthy of love. Is that not the kingdom and the unperishing spring?"

Wayne


Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

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